All the things I Hate About Being a Stay At Home Mom.

     It’s a beautiful sunny day. So far today, I’ve been drooled on, gotten orange poop underneath my fingernails during a diaper change, and gotten unexpectedly bitten (hard, like vampire hard) on my lip while going in for what was supposed to be a kiss. I woke up feeling exhausted and knowing my day wouldn’t consist of putting on high heels and curling my hair to go have talks in a language other than “motherese”.  This sounds like the day of a rock star so far, right??

    
     This morning, I got my 18-month son out of his crib when he woke up, and he wanted to cuddle. He hid his little, squishy face in my neck and I could feel his warm breath on my collarbone. I took his chubby hand in mine, admiring the dimples in his knuckles. I was filled with a bliss so pure and so intense that I could literally feel it radiating through my entire body. As he raised his head back up, he looked in my eyes and leaned in for a kiss (this was NOT the biting incident! Ha!). Then he smiled from ear to ear and kicked his legs happily until I set him down and he was off to wake his 5 year old sister.  She woke up sweetly and put her arm around her little brother. “Oh, hiiii bud!” She said in a scratchy voice. I sat down on her bed while she sleepily climbed into my lap and her brother followed suit. Here I was, holding 60 pounds of blessings, challenges, love, responsibility- and two little people that are making forever memories with me every day.

     Let me first clarify, this blog entry isn’t to make working moms feel bad for working, this is to share my own personal journey as a SAHM. This note is for the mom who is struggling to decide if she wants to stay home with her kids instead of return to work. This is for the mom who can’t decide if sacrifices that would need to be made to survive on one income are worth it.  This is for the mom who recently decided to stay home with her child and is having a hard time, maybe even regretting it. This is for the stay a home mom who feels like nothing she ever does is noticed or appreciated and is having trouble feeling accomplished in her home. This might even be for the working mom who is thinking she might want to become a SAHM, but is afraid to take the step.

     
      I chose to quit my job and stay home with my daughter when she was born. My husband supported me, although I wasn’t sure he really knew what it meant to our family for me to be a SAHM at the time. I was lonely at first, Izzy slept most of the day. When she wasn’t sleeping, I held her, kissed her, talked to her, and listened to her coos. While all of that is priceless and amazing, there was also a lot of quiet time where I was alone with my thoughts. Seeing others my age going to college to start a career, or working already.  I was subtly criticized for starting a family so young (married at 20). This society often has an attitude towards a woman who feels her identity is in her home. In voicing that to others, I am sometimes met with looks that say things like, “And doing that makes you happy?” I’ll admit, I couldn’t always confidently answer that question with a sincere yes.

    
     However, quite a few things throughout these last few years solidified my belief that there are three things I’ve done in my life that I will never regret. Giving my life to God, marrying my husband, and staying home to raise my children.

     
     In April of 2012, my daughter was diagnosed with a liver cancer and for the first time ever, I was faced with the looming possibility that she really might not celebrate any more birthdays. I sat for countless  minutes, hours, days, weeks- mulling over regrets I had about things I felt I didn’t do enough, things I did too much, missed opportunities, etc. But one thing I remembered was that confusion and deep down loneliness I felt when I first became a stay at home mom. And then I remembered how that eventually passed. I remembered how I watched her roll over for the first time, I remembered how I helped her learn to sit up, how many nights I spent rocking her to sleep while she played with my nose, how her first words were so easy for me to understand because I was there to hear them all. I didn’t regret a single moment spent with her. By the Grace of God, she had a only a 3 month intense journey of healing and is over a year cancer-free now.

     
    She went to kindergarten this fall. (Sidenote: I’m still trying to decide what our plans will be for future schooling- whether to continue as we are or homeschool, but that’s another topic!) And with that said, here’s what I hate about being a stay at home mom. I hate how the little years go by so fast. I hate that I ever felt like maybe I was wasting my 20’s by staying home and raising my kids. I hate that I ever felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything tangible or really important. Okay, hate is a really strong word, and my grandpa taught me not to use it… so it’s more like a very, strong dislike!
     
     In the beginning, I stayed home because I wasn’t crazy about finding a daycare provider, or being away from my child. But in 5 years of doing this, the days of loneliness, craziness, doubt, the sacrifices we have made to be a one income family- don’t even begin to come close to the amount of love, passion, fulfillment, happiness, connection, or PURE BLISS I’ve felt as a result of being home with them. Time is already short and you never know when it could be suddenly made shorter. Small hands and feet will be big before you know it, little coos will soon be voices telling you what they think, feel, and wonder, the toys laying on your floor will soon be going to Goodwill or a new young child who will play with them. If you are reading this, and you’re a mom who isn’t sure of the decision you’ve made or are about to make about being home with your kids…my hope is that this helps you decide. If you are reading this and have been the one who gave the subtly disapproving look to a new mom who has decided to stay home, my hope is that you can respect this choice as much as a choice to be a working mom.            

The drool on my shirt from this morning has dried and left a spot on my shoulder, there’s no doubt that the fingernail poop that I had to scrub away will happen again, and my lip is still a little swollen from my baby vampire bite… and as I write this, I’m ducking to avoid being hit in the head by a Tonka dump truck. This is a whole different kind of rock star life. This is being a stay at home mom…and I really, really love it. <3

P.S. I had to end this quickly to go play with my little sunshine. Any grammatical or spelling errors as a result of not being able to proofread this correctly, I apologize for! :) Have a beautiful, blessed day!!!

My $2.00 DIY Project :)

 So we just celebrated our son's first birthday! We had an owl party, and I like to get as creative as I can while keeping the cost down. I decided to make cupcakes as well as my cake... but I needed a cute way to display them! I saw this on Pinterest... and took a trip to the Goodwill store on a whim and found exactly what I needed! For 2 bucks, I got these two plates and the candlestick in between them! The candlestick was pretty tarnished, so I rubbed ketchup on it and let it sit for an hour and it shined up pretty well! (At least compared to what it was before) I like how there is a little tarnish left on it, to me it gives it a vintage feel :) I had some crafter's adhesive on hand, which you can grab at Wal-Mart for roughly 3 bucks! Make sure to read instructions:

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Loctite-2-oz-Crafter-s-Adhesive/21674358

After it set overnight, this turned out perfectly for his party and the cupcakes really looked cute on it. Lots of compliments and people didn't know it was homemade.

 Cheap, cute, and could be used for lots of things! Cupcakes, cheese and crakers, cookies, etc! Yaaaay for DIY projects! :)

Sock Fights and My Nasty Mouth.

I lost my temper.

Yes. It happened. I mean, of course this is my first mistake like, EVER. I'm raising my first child and I always do everything perfectly! HA!

Thursdays at 5, Isabelle has dance class and for some reason, getting ready for it always ends up disastrous for some reason or another even if we start plenty early. Today was especially disastrous. She was all ready to go, but I noticed the socks I had put on her earlier were now missing and we had already had a slight disagreement about how she needed to wear a hat since the weather was absolutely frigid today. So I begin to look for her socks (the clock now says 4:54, dance class is across town and my frustration level is quickly rising) and she is not the least bit interested in helping me on my sock hunt. I know she took off these socks completely mindlessly and probably really cannot remember when and where she removed those darn things. I keep asking her anyway, to no avail. Now it is 4:59 and my temper is boiling... I could have gotten more socks but THAT is exactly how I end up buried in laundry and I knew they had to be close! Finally, at the end of my rope, I yelled at her. About socks. I yelled at her, like really YELLED at her. I think I blocked out exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of keeping her clothes on throughout the day and helping me when I ask her for help. But my tone was totally demeaning and very angry. It hurt her feelings, she burst into tears and right after that, I spotted those rainbow socks under the couch. No time for crying, we've got to get these on and get to dance!!! So out the door we go and she was done crying by the time we got into the car at 5:04. We got there and she joined her little friends on the dance floor while I stood at the window and watched her twirl around like a little princess. I felt terribly awful inside. Just as I'm thinking that I probably deserve the Worst Mother of the Year Award, Izzy turns and waves at me, smiling and blowing kisses at the same time. Is there anything more humbling? She loved me and wanted to know I was watching her after she saw one of the ugliest sides of me. The thought processes after that simple gesture of love for me were numerous... I hadn't even apologized yet for yelling, I didn't deserve those precious little air kisses or sweet smiles, and most of all how unforgiving I would be if someone treated me that way! I learn so many lessons from my sweet children, but her small gesture hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a huge reminder of God's love and how forgiving and loving He is, even knowing every single one of my flaws. I am so undeserving of the Heavenly Father's love, but He still loves me, and so does Izzy. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. This is something I won't forget next time I feel like I am about to boil over. After dance, I apologized profusely with tears in my eyes and thanked her for those kisses. She sat meticulously picking marshmallows out of her hot cocoa, then looked at me and said, "It's okay mommy, but can you build me a tent in the playroom?" I think she knew the all-over-her-face kisses were a yes. :)

P.S. I know I haven't been blogging lately....this past year was busy, big, and there will be an entry to come about that :)

It's a lazy afternoon...

Here I am again slacking on my blog....and it's never because of a lack of things to post about. It's always because my mind is swirling and I'm pretty sure if I posted everything that I am thinking about, anyone reading it would be completely lost in the randomness of such a post! I can never seem to pick one thing to really focus on but today I just need to put out a little update and let anyone who reads know I am still here!

Still here...and still pregnant :) Little Jonah is a big boy and measuring 2-3 weeks bigger than he is supposed to be! I am 35 weeks and so glad he is healthy. Yes, my ribs are sore, my back is achey, it hurts to walk, and yes- I'm ready to be done. But I also try to remind myself often how precious this time is with him. Not only is he still developing, but I remember my freak out after miss Isabelle was born about 3 years ago. I came to the realization that once she was here, I couldn't protect her from everything like I could when I was carrying her inside me. So I am focusing on that these last few weeks when I feel like sitting down to cry because my body doesn't feel like mine anymore. And I am also enjoying the simplicity we still have for about a month more. I am nervous about the change in the structure of our little family. Of course, I have heard from everyone who has experienced their second child and the story really varies from person to person. Some say it was the easiest transition to make, especially compared to the first child. And some say it was shockingly difficult. I want to prepare myself to feel either way. I don't want to expect it to be bad, but if it is, I don't want to be completely surprised either. I am glad that soon after he is here, winter will be on its way out and we will be able to go on walks and get out to play, hopefully make some friends and enjoy the area more.

Off the topic of BABIES and PREGNANCY- what seems to consume my life these days, even gets annoying to me so I can imagine others would be tired of hearing about it :) I am in love with Pinterest and boy, does it make me feel motivated to get crafty and be a DIY Queen! I have a whole list of things I need to get started on. And I have a couple bags from Hobby Lobby with stuff in them that I intended to start on weeks ago. I will from time to time share some of my DIY endeavors on here! Good and bad, maybe? lol I haven't had any terrible fails yet, but I'm sure there will be some. I need to figure out how to put a link to Pinterest on my blog here... I swear sometimes, I feel like I can't fully take advantage of this blog because I am wandering around it in the dark trying to figure it out.

Lastly, for today- I am really getting impatient with how long it is taking my hair to grow out. I am hoping to get it down almost to my waist, and it is just taking ages! And no I do not think pregnancy speeds up my hair growth, which is pretty dissapointing, considering that is supposed to be a plus of having a bun in the oven. So, if anyone has any tips on making hair grow faster I would love to hear them. I will not be making the new mommy mistake I made when I had Izzy- I went and got the shoulder length I'm-a-mommy-so-I-need-something-quick-and-cute cut. It was cute but actually I felt like short hair was more work. Long hair here I come! :)

Well, Happy Monday :) I'm off to brave the wintery elements to get ingredients to satisfy my craving for cheesy hashbrown casserole!!!

It's been awhile....

It has been months since I had a blog entry here...actually 4 months shy of a whole year! The main reason I haven't been back is because I can never quite decide what I want the main focus of this blog to be. I guess I consider my day to day life a bit too mundane for blog entries? But lately certain events have really made me appreciate the small stuff a little more, and so, I return.


Lots has happened in the past few months that I guess might have made my blogging a bit more entertaining. We moved about an hour and a half from where we were living before, and now reside in my husband's hometown. May not sound like much to some, but for a girl who has basically lived in the same town since she was about 3, it was a bit of a transition. I am still adjusting and but it has been two months now. I reconnected with some old friends, made some new, and hope to meet more, which is not easy being a stay at home mom. The occasional trip to Wal-Mart or the grocery store has been about as social as I get lately, although we have been blessed with a very mild winter so far, enabling us to get out a lot more. Also- in about 9 weeks, we will be welcoming a new addition to our family- Little baby Jonah! I am so excited for his arrival, although nervous at the same time. It will be a new adventure. I am ready to have my body back though, that is no doubt! But God has been so merciful to me throughout this pregnancy just as He was when I was pregnant with Izzy. I have much to be thankful for!


Speaking of that little town I grew up in, it's been a difficult week for many there and that has been weighing heavy on my heart. Two girls that were just a few years older than me passed away within a few days of each other. Both were beautiful women, inside and out, and have left behind many grieving a loss that doesn't seem fair. The one that hit me closest to my heart was Christen. Christen was a stay at home mother and she left behind two precious children and a husband with faith that could move mountains. I had the privilege of reading her blog, mainly about her faith and her family. It made me realize a lot about God, my faith, about life in general. But mostly, that some days, being a stay at home mom can seem so small, uneventful, and even repetitive. I get bored, I get lonely, I get worn down, frustrated and unmotivated sometimes. But it's all in how you look at it. The things that seem small will be huge in Christen's children's memory of her. Every day I am forming my little girl's foundation for her entire life (and soon my little boy as well). I have no idea how many days I have left on this earth and right now I have every day, all day to teach her what she needs to know and to share my time with her. What an incredible, amazing privilege I have! I will try my best to remember that each morning I am able to wake up to my beautiful family is a blessing. I will take the tears, time-outs, messes, and frustrating days because I know some people would give anything to have that back. As I sit here and write this, I can't wait for my 3 year old to wake up from her nap. We have memories to make <3


R.I.P Christen and Courtney... you will be missed. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

So I have been fighting this stubborn head cold for like a week and it's finally starting to take a toll on me...I am really feeling sick today! I will keep this entry short as I am ready to go to bed at 7:30 pm as soon as I drink my Sleepytime hot tea! Although it doesn't knock me out like Nyquil would, it does calm the nerves and soothe the throat, and lately it has been my sanity at night in order for me to get some shut-eye! I hate night time meds because they will zap the life out of me for 2 days after I take it. So I really avoid them....iiickkeyy. Any suggestions for getting better fast? Or what you do to feel better? I hate being sick.

And on another subject, potty training my Izzy is taking forever too. She had a number one accident in the kitchen today and it just completely broke her little heart! This has become top priority and she is fighting this head cold as well, so I haven't been pushing it as much as I was, but still working on it! Why can't babies arrive on this earth already knowing how to use the potty? Oh well, we have had some great chats while she sits on her Dora potty seat :)

That's all I have for now..Hope your week has started off on a better note than mine, that's for sure.

Tomorrow will be better!!! ..XOXO

What have I missed?! IT'S FINALLY SPRING :)

I know I have been M.I.A for a few weeks and part of that is due to having nicer weather here!!! Spring keeps popping in here and there, giving us some beautiful warmer days to enjoy after what has seemed like the longest, grayest winter EVER! I am completely pleased by this. Who wouldn't be? Personally, I think anyone who would prefer that winter drag on even another day at this point is completely nuts. :) But, I have missed taking my toddler on walks and to the park, washing my car to actually have it look nice for a few days rather than a few minutes, and opening up my balcony sliding door and windows in my apartmentt! I welcome spring with open arms...

Hope you all have had a nice few weeks as well! My birthday party night was a blast and the cake surely made me gain about 5 lbs because it was so delicious!! I actually changed my choice of dress last minute and I have posted the best pic of me I have from that night, where you can actually see the dress. And I apologize, it isn't the best picture either! After all that debating, I didn't even wear what I ordered! lol I am just too indecisive sometimes ----------------->>>>

In other news, I have a loooong to do list in the back of my head these days and I need a burst of motivation to start tackling it all! Spring seems to be the time that everything and everyone crawls out of their holes and comes alive again, isn't it? I need to sort through my daughter's closet, my closet, clean my garage, do some deep cleaning in the apartment, get my car detailed, lose that winter weight (eeeeek!!!), and I am sure a million other things I haven't thought of! Do you have things you like to accomplish when spring rolls around?

Alsoooo, I got a haircut the other day. One thing to know about me, when I get the idea in my head that I want to cut my hair, I want to do it right away. Pronto. Stat. Asap. NOW! lol I seriously do this every time I get an idea in my head about my hair and I usually get it cut within the day. Sometimes that is bad, but usually it works out. I am working really hard to grow my hair out to the small of my back but it is taking awhile. So I never get my length cut unless my ends are really, really bad. But the hairstylist almost always tries to make me cut like a half an inch off my length because "hair grows better if you keep your ends trimmed". I have never understood this concept since hair grows from your scalp and not your ends...if someone wants to explain this better maybe I will!? Hairstylist lady, why the heck are you so set on trimming my length though? She acts like I am making a life changing mistake in not letting her scissors touch the ends of my hair. But does she know how much time it took to grow out that measly half an inch? Okay- my rant is over...just seems like its a big deal every time I get my hair cut! So, back to my point, I got my layers totally re-vamped because I had been feeling like I looked like a wet cat every time I did my hair. Only thing I hate about long hair- it gets easily weighed down. I have very fine, but thick hair so it lays really nice but having body is a struggle! I need to find some good hair products that give a good boost...if you have any to share, please do! But here is a picture of the finished product! I like how it turned out :)

Until next time....(which will be sooner than this post was ;p ).. XO XO!