Sock Fights and My Nasty Mouth.

I lost my temper.

Yes. It happened. I mean, of course this is my first mistake like, EVER. I'm raising my first child and I always do everything perfectly! HA!

Thursdays at 5, Isabelle has dance class and for some reason, getting ready for it always ends up disastrous for some reason or another even if we start plenty early. Today was especially disastrous. She was all ready to go, but I noticed the socks I had put on her earlier were now missing and we had already had a slight disagreement about how she needed to wear a hat since the weather was absolutely frigid today. So I begin to look for her socks (the clock now says 4:54, dance class is across town and my frustration level is quickly rising) and she is not the least bit interested in helping me on my sock hunt. I know she took off these socks completely mindlessly and probably really cannot remember when and where she removed those darn things. I keep asking her anyway, to no avail. Now it is 4:59 and my temper is boiling... I could have gotten more socks but THAT is exactly how I end up buried in laundry and I knew they had to be close! Finally, at the end of my rope, I yelled at her. About socks. I yelled at her, like really YELLED at her. I think I blocked out exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of keeping her clothes on throughout the day and helping me when I ask her for help. But my tone was totally demeaning and very angry. It hurt her feelings, she burst into tears and right after that, I spotted those rainbow socks under the couch. No time for crying, we've got to get these on and get to dance!!! So out the door we go and she was done crying by the time we got into the car at 5:04. We got there and she joined her little friends on the dance floor while I stood at the window and watched her twirl around like a little princess. I felt terribly awful inside. Just as I'm thinking that I probably deserve the Worst Mother of the Year Award, Izzy turns and waves at me, smiling and blowing kisses at the same time. Is there anything more humbling? She loved me and wanted to know I was watching her after she saw one of the ugliest sides of me. The thought processes after that simple gesture of love for me were numerous... I hadn't even apologized yet for yelling, I didn't deserve those precious little air kisses or sweet smiles, and most of all how unforgiving I would be if someone treated me that way! I learn so many lessons from my sweet children, but her small gesture hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a huge reminder of God's love and how forgiving and loving He is, even knowing every single one of my flaws. I am so undeserving of the Heavenly Father's love, but He still loves me, and so does Izzy. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. This is something I won't forget next time I feel like I am about to boil over. After dance, I apologized profusely with tears in my eyes and thanked her for those kisses. She sat meticulously picking marshmallows out of her hot cocoa, then looked at me and said, "It's okay mommy, but can you build me a tent in the playroom?" I think she knew the all-over-her-face kisses were a yes. :)

P.S. I know I haven't been blogging lately....this past year was busy, big, and there will be an entry to come about that :)